Have you ever told yourself to calm down, only to feel even more anxious?
Or promised yourself, “Tonight, I’ll sleep early!”then found yourself lying in bed, wide awake, thinking about everything except sleep?
You’re not alone.
Many of us try to change how we feel by telling ourselves what we should feel.
“Don’t be anxious.”
“Stop overthinking.”
“Relax.”
“Go to sleep!”
But here’s the problem: knowing what you want to feel and being able to shift into that state are two different things.
Sometimes, the harder we try to force a feeling, the more frustrated we become.
What if, instead of trying to think your way into calmness, you started by working with your body’s physiology?
1. Your Mind and Body Are Constantly Communicating
Your thoughts influence your body, and your body’s physiological state can influence your thoughts and emotions.
When you’re under stress, your breathing may become faster, your muscles may tense, and your heart rate may increase. These bodily changes can accompany feelings of anxiety and alertness.
Trying to reason your way out of that state may not always be enough.
This is where a bottom-up approach to emotional regulation can help.
Rather than starting with your thoughts alone, you use bodily processes such as breathing, light exposure, and hydration, to help support your physical and mental well-being.
This doesn’t mean your body controls every thought or emotion. It means your physiology is one practical place to begin.
Instead of simply telling yourself to calm down, try giving your body a different signal.
2. Try Changing Your Breathing Before Changing Your Thoughts
One technique discussed by neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman is the physiological sigh.
It involves taking an inhale, followed by a second, smaller inhale, and then a slow exhale.
Why might this help?
Breathing patterns influence respiratory and autonomic processes associated with arousal. A randomized controlled study published in Cell Reports Medicine in 2023 compared several structured breathing exercises with mindfulness meditation.
Five minutes of daily cyclic sighing, which emphasizes prolonged exhalation, showed particular promise for improving mood and reducing respiratory rate.
Try this:
- Sit comfortably.
- Breathe in gently through your nose.
- Take a second, smaller inhale.
- Exhale slowly and comfortably through your mouth.
- Repeat if comfortable, then return to normal breathing.
You can try a few rounds when you feel stressed. If you want to establish a regular practice, the study investigated five minutes daily over one month.
Don’t force deep breaths or continue if you feel dizzy.
Remember, the goal isn’t to force yourself to feel calm instantly. It’s to experiment with a physiological tool that may help you regulate your response to stress.
3. Use Light to Help Your Body Clock
Suppose you want to sleep earlier tonight.
You might repeatedly tell yourself, “I need to sleep at 10 p.m.”
But if your internal body clock is still promoting wakefulness, going to bed earlier may not automatically make you sleepy.
Your circadian rhythm, the body’s internal timing system, helps regulate when you feel alert and when you feel sleepy.
Light is one of its most important environmental signals.
Morning light can help shift the body clock earlier, while bright light in the evening can shift it later. The effects depend on the timing of exposure and your existing circadian rhythm.
Try this:
- Get outdoor daylight in the morning, ideally within the first hour after waking.
- Spend around 10–15 minutes outdoors as a practical starting point, recognizing that the duration needed varies with weather, light intensity, and individual circumstances.
- Keep your wake-up time reasonably consistent.
- Dim your lights as bedtime approaches.
- Avoid turning your bedroom into a brightly lit workspace late at night.
These habits help provide your body with clearer day-and-night signals.
Instead of demanding that your body sleep earlier, help prepare its internal clock for the schedule you want.
One important distinction: morning light is not an instant sleep remedy. Circadian adjustments often require consistency, and the right timing depends on your current sleep schedule.
4. When You Can’t Sleep, Stop Turning Sleep Into a Performance
Have you ever checked the time and thought:
“It’s already midnight!”
“I have to wake up at six!”
“If I don’t fall asleep now, tomorrow will be terrible!”
Suddenly, sleep becomes another task you feel you must accomplish.
The more you worry about sleeping, the more attention you may give to your wakefulness, frustration, and the clock.
This can make bedtime feel like a performance rather than an opportunity to rest.
Evidence-based insomnia treatment addresses this problem through behavioral strategies.
Stimulus control, a component of cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), helps rebuild the association between bed and sleep. It includes going to bed when sleepy and getting out of bed when unable to sleep, returning when sleepiness comes back.
CBT-I is strongly recommended by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine for adults with chronic insomnia.
Try this:
Instead of repeating, “I must sleep now,” try saying:
“I don’t have to force sleep. I can give myself the opportunity to rest.”
Keep your lights dim and your activities quiet.
If you remain awake and frustrated, leave the bed for a calm activity and return when sleepy.
This isn’t giving up on sleep. It’s removing some of the struggle surrounding it.
If sleep difficulties persist, consider a professional assessment rather than relying on relaxation techniques alone.
5. Hydrate to Support Your Brain and Body
When you’re stressed, your breathing may change, your muscles may tense, and your mind may feel overwhelmed.
But there’s another basic factor worth checking:
Have you had enough water today?
Your brain and body need adequate hydration to function properly. Even mild dehydration can affect mood, and some studies suggest it may influence attention and other aspects of cognitive performance.
Hydration isn’t a magic switch for anxiety or stress. However, if you’re underhydrated, correcting that can help address one physiological factor that may be affecting how you feel.
Try this:
- Keep water within reach throughout the day.
- Drink regularly rather than waiting until you’re very thirsty.
- Pay attention to situations when you may need more fluids, such as hot weather, exercise, or prolonged time outdoors.
- If you sweat heavily, consider whether you also need to replace electrolytes.
You don’t need to force yourself to drink excessive amounts of water. Your fluid needs vary depending on your activity, environment, diet, and health.
The takeaway?
Sometimes, supporting your mental and physical state starts with something simple: meeting your body’s basic needs.
Before reaching for another strategy to feel better, pause and ask yourself:
“Have I had enough water today?”
It’s a small step, but it’s a useful part of taking care of your brain and body.
6. The Bigger Lesson: Work With Your Body, Not Against It
Let’s return to those familiar instructions:
“Calm down.”
“Stop overthinking.”
“Sleep earlier.”
These aren’t necessarily bad intentions. But they aren’t always effective strategies on their own.
Your mind and body work together, and different situations call for different approaches.
When you’re stressed, breathing techniques may help you manage arousal.
When your sleep schedule is drifting, light exposure and consistent timing can help support your circadian rhythm.
When you’re frustrated by sleeplessness, evidence-based behavioral strategies can help you change your relationship with the bed and the experience of being awake.
When you’re underhydrated, drinking enough water helps restore normal bodily functioning.
And when difficult thoughts keep returning, psychological approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy or acceptance-based strategies can help you respond differently to them.
There is no single physiological hack that fixes everything.
The goal is to identify what may be keeping you activated and choose an appropriate strategy.
This is also why I encourage people to look beyond the number of hours they spend in bed. Better sleep involves understanding the different factors that influence your ability to fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake feeling refreshed.
Your CALM Challenge
The next time you feel overwhelmed or find yourself trying desperately to fall asleep, pause before telling yourself what you should feel.
Instead, ask:
“What can I change in my body or environment that might help me move toward the state I want?”
Then choose one small action.
✔️Take a few comfortable, slow breaths.
✔️ Step outside for morning light.
✔️ Dim the lights in the evening.
✔️ Drink some water if you need it.
Get out of bed when wakefulness turns into frustration.
You don’t need to do everything at once.
Start with one thing, notice how you respond, and build from there.
One Last Thought
Your body isn’t an obstacle to overcome. It’s part of the system you’re working with.
Sometimes, the first step toward a calmer mind isn’t another instruction to yourself.
It’s a different signal to your body.
Don’t just tell your mind to calm down. Give your body a reason to.
About the Author
Dr. Josette Ga-an, is a dentist and certified sleep science professional who developed the SHIFT Sleep Method™. Her work focuses on helping people understand the factors that influence sleep and translate sleep science into practical, personalized habits.
References for Further Reading
- Balban, M. Y., et al. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9873947/
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Circadian rhythms and the effects of light. https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/work-hour-training-for-nurses/longhours/mod2/19.html
- Edinger, J. D., et al. (2021). Behavioral and psychological treatments for chronic insomnia disorder in adults: An American Academy of Sleep Medicine clinical practice guideline. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7853203/
